Being in love…

On the heart, on matters of the heart I have loved mostly because I received very little of it. Love seemed to be the only way I thought it would be possible to be . To be love and not receive love can be quite draining but for a child it can be just about the only way to survive. I only loved because even thou there was a lot pain around e it came from love a need of receiving it. Need of feeling it because of love we endured we survived. It didn’t cost much to say to a child ‘I love you…’

My parents didn’t receive much love and there was a civil war and lots of problems com with it. I when I was a child I wanted to hear the words I love you. I think we all do all things and all people some more then others. I grew into love with myself when I realised that no one can really love you if you don’t love yourself no one can appreciate who you are if you don’t respect yourself. It grows with me every year the need to raise my self love higher and often I show love to myself by kissing my own skin I tell me I love me. I do love me. Truly as I am the only one I will ever truly get to know. I am in me and all the pain transform into tears as I learn to feel and felt I transform it to love. I feel it I breath it in learn from it. When I meet people in Europe in the counties I been to most of them were so empty that if you gave them love they hurt you back, it seem to me they were just empty it and damaged in a different way numb unaware of love even friendship love they sneered at even brotherly love. Some of them were completely ignorant of it or shut their senses to it. It made me realize they all in their different ways also wanted love but from a different place. Where I came from it there was pain atrocity and great lost. Continue reading

In light matters are weightless…

What to say it’s been a while since a have even written about anything.  It’s been so for a good reason.  Well I have been quite unwell for the last four months with Helicopter Pilory a bacteria which can be quite live changing and difficult to live with.  Yet we endure as we look to adapt and evolve and transcend it.  Just feel good about being able to express myself here in this space.  So grateful to say hello in this space called the web. This blog and know that someone somewhere might read it and resonate or totally connect with the energy of what your saying or maybe perhaps no one will read this and that is cool cause I still feel connnected such as being connected to the universe or just exchanging some energy with myself alone in my blog in my room.  Who knows… Continue reading

Returning from the unknown…

Just want to apologise on the huge delay in posting this story.  I hope to make another post explaining but in short life has been quite full of events and demands.  I am so grateful that some of you have still continued visiting the blog and reading the posts.  Also I want to thank you for your support with your comments and your patience you know who you are!   I will be feeling you in on most of my  personal development and other experiences and hope to keep on inspiring you and sharing some of my journey specially the crazy moments and the ones that leave you wondering wtf is she on about.  I’d love also to hear from you and your personal development stories ideas… I love you to share, so what have you been up to?  I wonder what experiences you have been through.  There is so much to learn and see to your words and mine lets connect. It can be here or there anywhere in here or in never land in dreams, you know what I mean? Or just on the web share with me people I want to hear from you.  I want your love and your stories, lets relate…   Eternally grateful to have this opportunity to connect. x Namaste!

 

 

Light in entertaiment…

The hope I see rising is in the internet – the fact that more of us are becoming aware that we have been asleep and fed stories and these symbols which we adopted in our behaviour patterns can be changed. Even bigger is the number of films which do not succumb to the big machine and all of its fabrication. Then there are the actors and actresses who are individually participating in this change. The light lies in not buying a television and in watching a film when you really feel it will inspire you. I like the feeling of letting the film come to you. Often the right ones do find you and change you, nourish you, moulding a new notion about existence or an aspect of who you are or can be. Continue reading

Accepting the lost of a friend…

Life can be full of challenges and twists and turns.  Just this month I lost a dear, dear friend: I only realised how much I loved him when he exited the planet.  I am grieving the loss of a friend, a chum, my confidant, a wonderful writer, musician, drinker, intelligent and avid reader and lover of expensive alcohol, chocolate and fine hats, not to mention an exceptional cook – and did I say  he was actively involved in the community?  But mostly he was my friend – a man, a human who tried to face his dark side, who felt at a loss with his fight with substance-abuse and his past.  My friend was brave because he tried to fight; he put up a fight; he tried to understand himself and change his negative emotional patterns of behaviour. 

Continue reading

Compassionate communication…

My dear blog followers, I just want to thank you for supporting us.  I have been busy being human, which is not easy. At times it is easier to be just a person, with a name, a style or a mask that one can wear doing whatever one says one does.  When one gets tired and drained it is easier to wear a mask. My apologies for the long silence which has been mostly due to technical difficulties.

Continue reading

Ayahusca experience part deux…

 

  

I wasn’t sure if I could actually walk or do anything and for a while I heard this ceremony guide talking, asking me questions about how I was feeling. I told him that I’d waited and waited for them to finish and that now this thing had started to finally take effect all I really wanted was to eat. But now I wasn’t able to get up. So I think he left me and they continued closing the ceremony, till suddenly I felt my consciousness coming back and I thought about the group of people I started the ceremony with – how I heard and saw them all going through their journeys. Although I was as hungry as a hyena, I empathised with them during the whole period they were under the effect. I suffered with them and sent them my love and courage through whatever dark part of human nature they were facing. Even if I wasn’t feeling any effects of the daime at the time, somehow this thought gave me the strength to get out of whatever state of mind I was in to close the ceremony, holding hands and repeating again Baixinha’s words, which go something like “Open paths, health in the body, love in the heart, peace in the spirit. That is all that we ask.”

Continue reading