In light matters are weightless…

What to say it’s been a while since a have even written about anything.  It’s been so for a good reason.  Well I have been quite unwell for the last four months with Helicopter Pilory a bacteria which can be quite live changing and difficult to live with.  Yet we endure as we look to adapt and evolve and transcend it.  Just feel good about being able to express myself here in this space.  So grateful to say hello in this space called the web. This blog and know that someone somewhere might read it and resonate or totally connect with the energy of what your saying or maybe perhaps no one will read this and that is cool cause I still feel connnected such as being connected to the universe or just exchanging some energy with myself alone in my blog in my room.  Who knows…

I might not be quite alone really maybe I am more than alone I am a mix of cells and organs and atoms and fluid. I got H.Pilory which is kind of a bacteria in my body it has been  dorment all these years and now it seems it wants to take over my body.  My initial recation was getting defensive and say fuck you  get the fuck out of my system yeah. After the first month you know it has become like a teacher and this process which started out of anger and fear.  Turned into a more like journey and I am understanding a lot more and enganging with my body little more differently than I could have imagined.  I am grateful for each word I have the energy to type as if they are the last version of some cell that has diet also they are a part of me of who I have been that is dying so I am always dying and always being born.  I have been pretty much existing in these paremeters these days.  It’s a new way each moment is quite short and each  death has a different meaning a different flavour and sometimes I don’t even know who I am being I just learn being in the moment. I just arrive there fresh like I never existed before and all is kind of new and fresh.  Some times it just feels like its always been like it’s always been light and love.  I am do one who dreams I am in this planet and for a while I dream of me then arrive to the light having the realization.  I remenber, it has all been an dream and reality is really love and light and nothing else matters.  The pain, symptoms, medication, day in day out, reality and the decisions are far away they are just steps and the light and the love are the real thing.  I just want to be there here with it always.  Breath and be naturaly present with it.  Gratefully effortlessly just with it not trying to change it or give it away or talking with the intention of just amusing or kind of being surprised and yet that fades i into peace and serenity of just accepting the presence of light  devine and silence.